


if aliens exist, why can’t bigfoot?

by horologiums_time



Category: The Greatest American Hero
Genre: Alcohol, Conversations About A Cryptid, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-28
Updated: 2019-07-28
Packaged: 2020-07-24 00:15:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20017108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/horologiums_time/pseuds/horologiums_time
Summary: Late night introspection can’t be good for anyone. Certainly not for Bill. Or Ralph, for that matter.





	if aliens exist, why can’t bigfoot?

**Author's Note:**

> if ralph believes in the existence of a sea monster then why shouldn’t he believe that other mythological creatures exist

“What I’m trying to say,” Ralph is saying, sprawled out on his couch, on his back, with a half empty beer bottle in his hand. “Is that Bigfoot _should_ exist.”

Bill doesn’t know why he’s still at the Hinkley residence at three in the morning, but he’s there nonetheless, talking about creatures that are Most Certainly Fake — all with the added bonus of being half drunk.

Ralph isn’t faring any better; Bill thinks the teacher lost all semblance of rational thought when the clock hit 1:30 and he had nearly finished his second bottle.

“No, no, no.” Bill is shaking his head before Ralph finishes his proclamation. “Bigfoot does _not_ exist, Ralph. There’s no proof — it’s all just a bunch of fake pictures and wacko cuckoos. No Bigfoot.”

“We’ve met aliens,” Ralph points out. “Why can’t Bigfoot exist if aliens can?”

“Because,” Bill starts. He stops. He opens his mouth. He closes his mouth. He starts again. “The universe is huge, the Earth isn’t. That’s why.”

Ralph puts his bottle down with a loud _clack_. “The Earth _is_ huge. Have you ever been in the woods, Bill?” He tilts his head back and tries to look Bill in the eyes. He fails. “They’re _huge_.”

“I’ve been in plenty,” Bill dismisses. “Never saw a Bigfoot.”

“Maybe he’s shy.” Ralph isn’t keen on giving up just yet. “Only shows himself to specific people he can trust. Like the aliens.”

The combination of alcohol and being sleep deprived steals away any form of articulated response from Bill for about 30 seconds. Then it comes back.

“Still don’t think he exists,” Bill maintains. “C’mon; aliens show up and suddenly you think every mytho- mthye- _fake_ creature is real?”

Ralph looks like he’s about to fall off the couch. “Why not?” He sounds vaguely insulted. “You were possessed by a ghosssstttt.” He wiggles his fingers as he draws out the word.

Bill frowns. Not his favorite thing to think about so late at night. He’d rather not remember it at all. “What’s that got to do with anything?”

“It means,” Ralph says. He finally opts to flopping over onto his stomach to look at Bill. “It means that Bigfoot _does_ exist. If aliens exist, and-and _ghosts_ , why not Bigfoot?”

Bill laments the fact that Ralph hasn’t passed out yet. Or him, for that matter. “That doesn’t mean anything.” Bill takes a drink from his bottle. He doesn’t taste anything and belatedly realizes he had drunk water from one of the two glasses on the table. He doesn’t remember where they came from. “C’ _mon_ — that doesn’t mean that Bigfoot exists.”

Despite Bill’s best efforts, Ralph picks up on how weak his protest really is. Ralph’s eyebrow lifts a little and he tries to pass off a wobbly grin as a triumphant smirk. “See, see? He exists, Bill.” He flops back onto his back. “Like _aliens_.”

Bill decides at that very moment to never spend another night at Ralph’s house even slightly drunk ever again.


End file.
